CHAPTER 3 - Concealed Memories

I want to focus on hidden childhood traumas that are sealed in our subconscious and the behavioral patterns that it creates throughout our lives.

I want to discover the role of these traumas in our day to day behavior and explore the reasons as well as the journey of how they are processed, dealt with and ultimately hidden from our conscious mind.

Keywords: childhood trauma. behavioral patterns. visualization. subconscious. abuse.

After doing my research, my initial notes start like this:

First of all, it is mind bending to find out how COMMON and yet TABOO this subject of childhood trauma is and the most common one out-there is child abuse...

Here are just 3 statistics that blew my mind:

%60 of every children in the US experience physical abuse before even age 4;
%22 experience sexual abuse before age 11, this number is %26 in the UK…

Hidden trauma, as a definition, is any experience that presents the mind with a stimulus too powerful to be assimilated in a normal way. This stimulus results in the child experiencing a state of helplessness and subconscious blocking the event from processing as a normal memory.

This word ‘helplessness’ is very important, considering the fact that most of our beliefs about the world are formed between the ages of 2 and 7 when learning is almost fully subconscious. And with an experience like a hidden childhood trauma, the perception of the world is being formed by wiring the brain with fear without being able to recognize its roots.

Below I have laid out in length, the process of how a hidden trauma of a child becomes the behavior pattern of an adult but, to sum up, after my research I realize more clearly the complete different style of communication and languages between the conscious and subconscious mind.

Conscious mind work on observations, tangible information and words. The language of the subconscious is on the other hand is not verbal at all. It’s merely visual and sensual.

Moving forward, I want to focus on and further investigate two things:

• I am blown away by finding out how wide-spread and how 'hush-hush' this issue of child abuse is in our culture… I am fascinated by this and definitely want to examine this further.
• I want to try to translate this communication between our conscious and subconscious mind to a visualized narrative.

( Some other findings: AYAHUASCA, Doors Of Perception, Jan Kounen, Jeffrey Eipstein)





Here’s an example of a process of how a childhood trauma becomes a behavior:

There are five main wounds in childhood… Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal and Injustice, and, these 5 wounds generate beliefs like:

    ▪    I’m a bad person.                        
    ▪    I don’t deserve anything.
    ▪    I’m not lovable.
    ▪    I’m a failure.
    ▪    I’m not worthy.                          
    ▪    Life’s not fair.

Those beliefs, picked up by the subconscious, are then constantly communicated to the conscious mind through images, feelings, sensations, dream and reflexes. And these messages overall create the appropriate behavioral patterns like:

    ▪    anxiety
    ▪    eating disorders
    ▪    addictions
    ▪    compulsions
    ▪    suicidal behaviors
    ▪    severe depression
    ▪    insomnia

And statistically a person with a hidden childhood trauma is…

    ▪    15 times more likely to attempt suicide.
    ▪    5 times more likely to become an alcoholic.
    ▪    4 times more likely to use antidepressant.
    ▪    3 times more likely to not be able to hold a steady job.

So… my conclusions are:

After doing my research, two things stroke my attention in particular:

    ▪    I am blown away by how wide-spread and how hush-hush, this issue of child abuse is in our culture… I am fascinated by this and definitely want to explore this further.

    ▪    And when I was searching for ways of how to disrupt this system of drowning in a trauma I’ve came across with an interesting concept comparing the different results of drowning in a trauma vs. diving with it…

    ▪    Basically saying that when one dives with a trauma rather than drown in it, by simply accepting and surrendering to the trauma itself and its effects on his life; then wounds become opportunities for acceptance and forgiveness and eventually help the individual to move on. Diving with the trauma helps built:

    ▪    a stronger sense of self
    ▪    elevated empathy
    ▪    high sense of responsibility
    ▪    helpfulness
    ▪    positive sensitivity to the pain of others

I want to visualize this connection and create a narrative that ultimately helps people to heal their hidden patterns through their subconscious.